Thursday, September 15, 2011

Welcome to Anderson Cooper’s New 'Gaytime' Talk Show! (continued)

Guest post written by Christopher Carozzo:

Many of us in the gay community are waiting with baited breath for our “boo” Anderson Cooper to publicly acknowledge what we have all known for years. We need to hear the words “I’m Gay” come out of his pretty little mouth. Hell, some of us want him describe his sexual activities in the style of a Jackie Collins novel. Let’s be clear, I’m not one of those people (yeah, right,) but I know many of you sluts are. Though he doesn’t proclaim his “gayness” out loud; I can tell you that being in his studio audience was one of the gayest experiences I’ve had in a while.

While waiting with my friend, writer Matthew Rettenmund to enter into the studio, we were treated to a brief scene of heavy petting provided by two studs who obviously met at the gym before attending. Before any hardcore sex took place, we were all ushered into the absolutely beautiful “Anderson” studio, where music from what must have been from Anderson’s personal playlist was blaring from the speakers. We were treated to the sounds of Britney, LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem” and other pulsating beats. All that was missing was strobe lights, go-go dancers and the smell of poppers.

A painful audience warm-up was next on the agenda by a very unfunny comedian who seemed obsessed with jokes about death. (I don’t know about you, but discussing death always makes me want to party!) This guy obviously ran out of “material” after five minutes as he encouraged audience members to go onstage and sing. Matt and I sat through a rendition of The National Anthem that had us wishing Roseanne Barr was in the building to take over the vocals. After our country was butchered worse than Michele Bachmann reciting the Constitution, it was time for the alleged comedian to ask the audience who was single and who wasn’t. Was this the topic of the show? No, but I guess he had to pull something out of his ass before he got booed off the stage. I was too shy to raise my hand, but a cute little twink a few rows in front of us had NO shame. He was asked why he was single and he said “because I haven’t found Mr. Right.” Mr. “Warm-Up Man” then asked if any guys wanted to “apply” to be the man of his dreams. The guy stopped him, saying that “Mr. Right is backstage.” Yes she did!! She totally let the entire Time Warner Center know that Anderson was HIS man! The audience started to applaud wildly! Not knowing exactly what to do, Mr. “Laugh-A Minute” smiled nicely and quickly changed the subject!

Moments later, America’s boyfriend finally took the stage. I was taken by just how small he is in real life. He seemed to have a slight limp when he walked, which naturally led me to question if this is his normal gait or if he was fisted the night before. At any rate, it was now ShowTime. I am forbidden from discussing the topic of the show I attended as everyone had to sign an agreement to not say a word. Since I’m afraid Anderson may want the last 5 dollars in my savings account, I’ll only say that the topic was one of those Oprah-esque feel good stories. I suppose if I had any feelings left, I would have liked it. Since I don’t, I found the topic had the potential to induce vomiting. In all honesty, I think Anderson also shared my sentiments. He didn't seem very interested in the subject matter and I felt his questions were forced. He wasn't very spontaneous and seemed to be a control freak, keeping his focus on the writing and camera angles. In fact, one of my favorite moments happened when Anderson flipped the "bitch switch" on after a camera man was doing a wide shot instead of a close up during a tease. Anderson's face suddenly changed as rage overcame his body. There were NO giggles to be found and his voice dropped to scold the camera man. He also was VERY impatient when a producer put the wrong write-up in the teleprompter. He started to yell "come on, let's go" over and over. I thought he was about to become Satanic and start cursing. Matt commented that he thought at one point he yelled “What, are you down there talking to your MOTHERS?!?” I didn’t hear this because I was focused on the revelation that he is likely a VERY bossy bottom! I would not be surprised if a few folks were fired after the taping!

At the very end of the taping, Anderson took questions from members of the studio audience. To close the day, an adorable blond gay guy with a quasi-Mohawk asked Anderson if he “remembered him.” Anderson immediately knew who he was saying “Oh yeah, you’re the guy that asked me for tickets at the gym!” Matt and I immediately looked at each other as this was getting a bit juicy! Anderson continued by saying “I almost didn’t recognize you as your hair was flat in the showers!” The young man responded “Yeah, my friend thought it was inappropriate that I asked you for a ticket when you were just wearing a towel.” With that, Anderson thanked the cutie and shortly after said goodbye to us.

I had a gay-ole-time visiting the set of “Anderson.” I sincerely hope it finds a large audience and that my “boyfriend-in-my-head” will be able to relax, enjoy his success and most importantly be 100% comfortable with who he is!