Thursday, March 31, 2011

Meredith Baxter: 'I Didn't Know I Was a Lesbian' (continued)

By Christopher

After adding Sake to her list of favorite beverages and appearing "dazed" in a television movie, Meredith felt that she just might have a "problem with alcohol." This became a reality when she started to drive to parks during the day and blackout after drinking HUGE amounts of alcohol. Eventually she made her way to Alcoholics Anonymous. Being the completely self obsessed person that came across in this memoir, she felt she was "above" everyone else in her AA meetings. She was wealthy and FAMOUS. The other poor sons of bitches in the meetings surely had a problem because they weren't in the Movie of the Week. Mare didn't want to follow the 12 steps, especially the one which says "take responsibility for the harm you may have caused others." Why would she do that? She's perfect!! Eventually she admits to kind of realizing that she's been a bit selfish and decides to agree to have a sober sponsor. She chose a woman who she suspected David Birney of cheating on her with. Good choice!!

Miss Baxter's first "lesbian revelation" comes when she discusses her conscious choice to dress like a MAN during her custody battle with Birney. She claims the depositions were so "threatening" that she had to butch it up. She wore wing-tip oxfords, blazers, and cut her hair very short. Meredith thinks she should "probe" this issue more as it could be seen as a "foreshadowing" of her eventual coming out. Girl, PLEASE!!! Your choice of attire rarely has any indication on your sexual orientation. Just ask Tyler Perry!! He spends most of his days in a dress and he's COMPLETELY straight.

After butching it up for the court, the perfect "butch woman done wrong" movie of the week made its way to her. "A Woman Scorned, The Betty Broderick Story" was filmed in 1991. Mare LOVED Betty. She could relate to her because Betty was privileged and was treated very badly by her ex-husband. Of course Broderick KILLED her ex and his new wife. No worries, Meredith passes no judgment and completely understands how that could have happened.

She found the role "therapeutic" and enjoyed pretending it was David's house that she drove a car through in one of the scenes!! She also enjoyed punching her co-star Stephen Collins. She states all this violence was "cathartic" for her and allowed her to get in touch with her anger towards David Birney. I hope for his sake, he has a restraining order against her. In fact, let's keep her out of the Walmart firearms section while we are at it!!

The moment I thought I was waiting for came on page 224 when Meredith talks about bringing her friend, Carla to her mother's Malibu home. After a festive July 4th on the beach, Mare and Carla are lying in bed laughing and joking. Suddenly, Meredith KISSES Carla. Soon they were "doughnut to doughnut." Shockingly, Meredith did not feel this made her a lesbian or even bisexual. She was just horny. It was just sex to her. Once again, Meredith was just happy that someone was paying attention to her. Carla developed feelings for Meredith that went beyond "les-be-friends." Meredith was having NONE of that garbage as she still wanted to end up with a man. So she let poor Carla go. Before I could turn the page, she was on to the next MAN, another member of her AA community. I'm joining AA as it seems a great place to get laid outside of prison.

Hubby No. 3: Michael Blodgett, whose life was Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

Meredith became a homewrecker with her next relationship. She met her third husband Michael at AA. Baxter claims she was aware that she was a whoring mistress from the start. Eventually she pressured him to tell his wife. He did and proceeded to kick the wife and his young daughter out of their home. How nice! Meredith said she "felt bad" and gave a few bucks to help them out. Such a thoughtful woman!! Eventually they this marriage fell apart when Michael started to spend Meredith's money like it was water. She also discovered that he had a MASSIVE prescription drug problem. She found him one night with "pills all over his mouth" as he was so out of it, he couldn't get the pills IN his mouth. He was such a pill fiend that he would sleepwalk at night moving his fingers in a way that looked like he was "chasing pills through the air." He obviously had to go, so Meredith sent him to rehab and filed for divorce.

FINALLY on page 255, we get to the juicy stuff. A woman named "Paula" who was 23 years younger than our Mare found her way to her heart and crotch! Paula rented the one bedroom guesthouse that Baxter had on her property. Meredith felt a strange attraction to Paula. She loved to watch her dance and felt warm inside while watching Paula lay out by the swimming pool. They started to bond as friends. Eventually, while Meredith was away on a trip to Florida, she started SEXTING Paula. Oh yes!! Obviously after the SEXTING, Paula knew that Meredith was more than interested. When Meredith returned, Paula attempted to kiss her. Meredith, being the big tease she is, resisted saying "Oh no, I can't." Yeah right! Soon the clothes were on the floor and Meredith was in the midst of a "finger licking good" fun time. Baxter states this relationship helped her to "open her eyes" to her true self. Also, she began to "dance better" after this happened! WINNING! Meredith came out to a few of her children and began the "journey" to self acceptance at age 54. Better late than never, I say.

In true Meredith style, she dumped "Paula" and fell in love with Nancy, her current partner. Nancy is a tough, "lumber hauling" truck driving bull dyke! I think Nancy is reading these posts as pissed off lesbian named "Nancy" has written me some lovely hate mail about my "report." I'd like to say to both Ms. Baxter and Nancy that I hope you have a lifetime of happiness.

I didn't like this book. I want the goods from the start. I don't want to have to wait until the last 20 pages! Yes, my "report" is full of sarcasm and cynicism. Be your own judge. BUY the book. Read it. Love it. Hate it. Who cares? See you on reruns, Meredith!