Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The 100 Hottest Male Tennis Players of the Open Era (continued)

31. Arnaud Clement is so busy hiding behind his sunglasses and bandana that I almost noticed how hot he was.

32. Dean Paul Martin crammed a lot into his 35 years of life: The son of Dean Martin and ex-husband of Dorothy Hamill was a noted singer, actor, tennis player and military before he was killed when National Guard F-4 Phantom jet fighter crashed in California's San Bernardino Mountains during a snowstorm. His star turn opposite Ali McGraw in the tennis movie "Players" may not have been Oscar worthy, but his appearance was definitely Playgirl worthy, and then some.

33. Vince Van Patten, like Dean Paul Martin, came from a show business family -- Dad was Dick Van Patten of "Eight Is Enough" fame -- and was a bit of a Renaissance man. After becoming a teen idol with roles on "Bonanza," "Medical Center, "Adam-12," "The Courtship of Eddie's Father," "Wonder Woman" and "Apple's Way," ABC tried to turn him into "The Bionic Boy," an attempted spin-off of "The Six Million Dollar Man." (It didn't get picked up.) Shortly thereafter, he turned pro on men's professional tennis circuit, reaching a career-high of 26 in 1982.  (He's a pro poker player these days.) 

34. Sergi Bruguera: It was hard not to watch every second of the French Open the two years this handsome Spaniard took home the trophy.

35 Pablo Andujar of Spain looks like a matinee idol.

36. Alex Corretja is best known for being the guy Pete Sampras threw up against at the 1996 U.S. Open, but it's the Spaniard's sunny disposition and resemblance to my Colombian ex that I remember most.

37. Jurgen Melzner of Austria: You've got the cutest little baby face. 

38. Viktor Troicki of Serbia is so hot he can't keep his shirt on.

39. Juan Monaco of Argentina is like a 21st century GuillermoVilas, butter face was better!

40. Juan Carlos Fererro of Spain made frosted hair seem cute again.

41. Mario Ancic of Croatia was a great-looking tennis player -- but he makes an even hotter lawyer!

42. Stefan Edberg: The funny thing about the former world number one from Sweden is that I never thought of him sexually throughout his entire career, even as my friend Greg was going gaga over his legs and tousled hair. I guess I was too devoted to Mats Wilander to even notice him, but I recently revisited the serving-and-volleying Swede and I'm starting to see what I was missing.

43. Mats Wilander: On the flipside, my former love seems kinda silly in retrospect.

44. Fabio Fognini: We saw this Italian at last year's U.S. Open and he was even more adorable in person.

45. Potito Starace gets my vote for hottest tennis player in a Speedo, although I'm open to seeing others! Thank you, Italy.

46. James Blake: Never understood how this American went from looking like Jean-Michel Basquiat to Mr. Clean overnight, but he looked good either way.

47. David Nalbandian's cockiness added to this Argentine's sex appeal, as did word on the street that he had a huge cock.

48. Jose Acasuco became my favorite Argentine when he lost the long locks.

49. Grigor Dimitrov of Bulgaria is not only known as "Baby Federer," he's Maria Sharapova's main man.

50. Fernando "Gonzo" Gonzalez of Chile was always fun to watch.

51. Slobodan Zivojinovic: As an unseeded player, this Serbian famously beat John McEnroe in a grueling five-set battle at the 1985 Australian Open. But it's the way he looks in a pair of polyester short shorts that stays with me all these years later.

52. Adrian Ungur of Romania is way prettier than Virginia Ruzici ever was.

53. Horia Tecan: Which is to say nothing of doubles specialist Horia Tecau, who hails from Brasov.

54. Pancho Gonzales played one of the greatest -- and longest -- matches of all time , beating Charlie Pasarell, 22-24, 1–6, 16-14, 6–3, 11-9.  That Pancho's opponent was 16 years paled in comparison to having to wait that long between cigarettes.

55. Stanislas Wawrinka: A lot of fans dismiss this Swiss because of his "bad skin" [on his face]. But who's looking at his face?

56. Marco Chiudinelli: Got to know this Swiss at the same Davis Cup tie where I first fell for Wawrinka. 

57. Frederico Gil of Portugal gets pumped.

58. Guillermo Vilas: I was 10 when I first laid eyes on this slab of Argentine meat -- and I knew something was up. 

59. Guillermo Garcia-Lopez: Spanish fly.

60. Mikhail Youzhny, because everyone loves a hot Russian mental case.

61. David Ferrer: The 5-9 Spanish backboard never did anything for me, but Michael approves!

62. Rafael Nadal  -- like Ferrer -- somehow never really did it for me. But his smile is infectious, and there's no denying he's got a great bod.

63. Igor Andreev of Russia could start another arms race.

64. Tomas Berdych shares some of the qualities of his equally robotic countryman Ivan Lendl, yet somehow it works for me this time around. 

65. Lukasz Kubot of Poland is both cute and flexible (bonus!)

66. Ivan Dodig of Croatia further reinforces my belief I need to move somewhere in the former Yugoslavia.

67. Richard Krajicek was a bit of a tool -- but a really big tool.

68. Ryan Sweeting looks good with or without his pornstache.

69. Andreas Seppi is the latest sleek import from Italy.

70. German Philipp Kolhschrieber is no Tommy Haas, but he's nothing to sneeze at.

71. Marcel Granollers hasn't gotten the attention his fellow Spaniards have. But a recent foray into the Top 20 -- plus a hot bod -- could change all that soon.

72. Frank Dancevic: And they say guns aren't big in Canada. 

73. Ernests "The Gull" Gulbis: Latvia's greatest export.

74. Eddie Dibbs: Sure he was a midget. But a midget with hot legs -- and I bet he'd love my noodle kugel!

75. Benoit Paire is another one of those cute French boys.

UPDATE: Am extending this from 75 to 100 to account for men I missed and readers' choices -- a veritable write-your-own-ending post!

76. Ryan Harrison was a major oversight by me -- thanks to Lou for slapping me silly!

77. Juan Martin del Potro doesn't really do it for me -- he's almost too tall -- but I get it.

78. Milos Raonic: This Canadian cutie is going to be hot when he gets a little older, but I'm OK with my pal Greg robbing the cradle right now.

79. Filippo Volandri of Italy is NEWS to me!

80. Miloslav Mecir: I love cats, but this lean Czech is for Greg!

81. John McEnroe was deliberately left off because there was only a split second when I found him hot and I couldn't find a photo. Now I have.

82. Patrick McEnroe is the Mac you wanna do, according to Mr. Bayard.

83. Andre Agassi has NEVER done anything for me -- he basically looked like this when I met him on a practice court at the '87 French Open, only he was younger -- but here he is by popular demand!

84. Roger Federer may be my favorite player, but even I'm objective enough to admit that face ain't so hot without a truck full of Grand Slam trophies out front ... which is to say nothing of his freakishly small left arm!

85. Dick Stockton was someone I'd written about before -- well, about his hot ass -- so thanks to Lou for reminding me!

86. and 87. Bob and Mike Bryan double your pleasure.

88. Taylor Dent's head was a bit unusual, but his LARGE frame was always sexy to watch.

89. Thomaz Bellucci of Brazil looks fun.

90. Nenad Zimonjić of Serbia, for when you're in the mood for it rough.

91. Ilija Bozoljac of Serbia, where I obviously need to spend my next vacation.

92. Harold Solomon: Some feel if I'm gonna have Eddie Dibbs, I have to have the other Bagel Twin.

93. Paul-Henri Mathieu: How do you say "boy next door" in French?

94. Corrado Barazzutti was my Italian boyfriend in the '70s.

95. Lleyton Hewitt: Have found the scrappy Aussie ugly ever since his racially charged comments during a match against James Blake, but he does have a nice body.

96. Guillermo Perez-Roldan: More Argentine beefcake (for Martini421).

97. Nicolas Lapenti was the sexiest guy from Ecuador I've ever seen -- and I've seen my share!

98. Oliver Marach of Austria gets Moose singing!

99. Thomas Muster's face never really did it for me -- believe it or not, I'm a face man -- but I'd forgotten about the jockstrap incident, which Dogboy1966 kindly reminded me of!

100. Evgeny Korolev: And in what can only be described as a HUGE oversight, we have Anna Kournikova's cousin, who can not win as many titles as he wants to!

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